From Conflict to Connection: How Leaders Can Foster Civil Discourse at Work

Articles

Tim Huff

By Tim Huff

President & CEO, TLG

McKayla was a leader at a large company who was widely respected for her technical expertise and decision-making skills. A high performer with high potential, she quickly rose to the executive ranks. However, she had a flaw that nearly sank her career. When it came to handling team discussions, she struggled. In meetings, McKayla would often shut down opinions that differed from her own and encouraged and participated in heated arguments among team members. Over time, the team started to hold back, afraid that anything they contributed would spark an emotionally charged debate. The once-engaged team became disengaged, and McKayla lost credibility. Not because she lacked vision or knowledge, but because she failed to create an environment where civil conversations can occur.

This scenario plays out in workplaces more often than we might think. In a recent Harvard Business School study of 500 corporate executives, the words “fight” and “dysfunctional” were the most used terms to describe conflict in their organizations (Collins, Dorison, Gino & Minson, 2023). This is a significant problem that needs attention.

As leaders, our credibility isn’t just built on what we know or what we achieve; it’s also rooted in our ability to facilitate tough conversations with openness, respect, and a readiness to learn from others. Real growth happens when we lean into uncomfortable discussions with courage, humility, and vulnerability.

Setting the Stage for Civil Conversations

Leaders play a vital role in shaping how discussions unfold. Creating an environment for civil discourse involves more than just being present in the conversation; it requires intentional actions that make others feel safe to express diverse opinions.

This starts with psychological safety; it’s the foundation for open dialogue. When team members feel secure that their input won’t be met with ridicule or punishment, they’re more likely to engage openly. As a leader, you can foster this by consistently validating input, even when you disagree, and making it clear that all perspectives are valued.

It’s also critical to exemplify constructive behavior. Your team watches how you handle disagreement. When faced with differing opinions, do you model calm, respectful behavior—even when tensions rise? Using language that encourages exploration rather than judgment can make a big difference. For example, instead of saying, “That won’t work,” try, “Let’s consider the implications of this approach.” This signals a willingness to engage thoughtfully, making it more likely that others will do the same.

Creating an Empathetic Culture

Empathy is crucial for leaders looking to cultivate civil discourse. Understanding differing perspectives isn’t just a skill; it’s an attitude. Leaders can encourage empathy by actively seeking to understand why others hold the views they do.

Try incorporating questions such as:

  • “What experiences led you to this perspective?”
  • “Can you help me understand what this issue means to you?”
  • “What do you believe the potential outcomes might be?”

These questions invite a deeper connection, showing your willingness to understand rather than simply to argue. Over time, this approach can become part of your team’s culture, where people are not only heard but understood.

Practical Tips for Leaders to Encourage Civil Conversations

According to a 2024 survey by the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM), 62% of U.S. workers have witnessed managers ignoring incivility in their workplace (SHRM, 2024). In the coming weeks, as a leader, you may find yourself surrounded by discussions that could turn sour quickly. It’s important for leaders to pay attention and have the courage to engage, but to do so thoughtfully and humbly. Here are a few thoughts that can help:

  1. Invite Diverse Voices to the Table: Actively seek out diverse opinions during discussions. Encourage quieter team members to share their thoughts, perhaps by calling on them directly in a gentle, inclusive way.
  2. Leverage Anonymous Feedback Channels: For sensitive topics where team members might be hesitant to speak up, offer an anonymous channel for feedback. This approach can surface issues that might otherwise go unaddressed.
  3. Make Emotional Intelligence a Core Competency: Engage and executive coach to help build emotional intelligence in your team, which includes self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social skills. An objective third party expert can provide unbiased feedback, facilitate self-reflection, and offer targeted strategies for team members to improve their emotional responses during challenging conversations.
  4. Recognize and Reward Civil Discourse: When team members engage in difficult conversations productively, acknowledge and celebrate it. This could be as simple as a public acknowledgment in a meeting or a shoutout in a team email.
  5. Be Ready to Intervene Thoughtfully: Even with the best intentions, conversations can still go off track. As a leader, it’s your job to step in when needed. Use phrases like, “Let’s pause here for a moment,” or “I think we’re moving away from the topic—let’s refocus.” This keeps discussions constructive and aligned with the desired outcomes.

The Impact of Civil Conversations Driven by Leaders

Remember McKayla? McKayla’s turning point came when she received some candid feedback. If she wanted to be an effective leader, she needed to create an environment where diverse opinions could thrive, and civil conversations could happen. Determined to change, McKayla committed to an executive coaching experience, in which her coach guided her in building emotional intelligence and fostering a more open, inclusive dialogue within her team.

Over time, McKayla became known not just for her technical acumen, but for her ability to facilitate constructive discussions, even on the toughest issues. Her team’s engagement soared as they felt safe expressing differing views, knowing that their voices would be heard. McKayla’s transformation is a reminder that great leaders aren’t just measured by what they know or achieve, but by how they create spaces where people can speak up, be vulnerable, and grow—together.

As you lead your own teams, remember that fostering civil conversations is not just a skill; it’s a commitment to building trust, encouraging diverse perspectives, and strengthening the character of your organization.

Thanks,

Tim

 

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